Will You Stop Already
by ArlkatThePillowfighter
Summary: "Halexander James! I am trying to work, you horny asshole! Leave me alone!"


**Pointless Dirkhal with a lot of crappy lines XD I got bored so here's your cringe-inducing bullshit**

 **if you didnt already expect it you should just** ** _know that its_** _smut_

"Hey there, sexy. Wanna play with my joystick? It's got a nice grip."  
I sighed heavily at the android tracing a finger down the back of my neck, shoving his hand away. The heat left a tingle in its wake.  
"Fuck off, Hal."  
"Aw, c'mon. I'll stick my flash drive in your USB port if that's what you want." Signature asshole smirk.  
"Dude. Seriously, stop. I have to study for my finals."  
"Am I getting on your circuits?" Another smirk.  
"I'm going to smack you."  
"Save it for the bedroom, Dirkles."  
I shot a glare at the red-eyed robot, firmly slamming my pencil on the desk. "Halexander James! I am trying to work, you horny asshole! Leave me alone!"  
The robot placed a hand over his chest. "Dirk, you're giving me uranium palpitations."  
I couldn't help but snort at that one, flashstepping and suddenly we were kissing. One arm around his waist and the other tangled in his soft silver hair. He hooked an arm around my shoulders, the other heading south down my shirt.  
"Are we really gonna do this when I have shit to do?" I mumbled against his slightly metallic-tasting lips, not expecting anything serious.  
"Well, there's a 69% probability."  
I probably should have seen that coming. He dragged me step by step to the bedroom, I kept up with him best as I could while his hand was working its way past my jeans. My dick wanted me to help but he could do it on his own and he did, toppling backward onto the bed and taking me with him. I found myself straddling his hips, the sizable tent in his pants barely half an inch from mine. I looked up at him and he was chuckling.  
"What?"  
"You turn my software into hardware."  
"I will end you."  
"But then you'd miss out on some hella great sex."  
He had me there, I suppose. I frowned externally though rolled my eyes internally, grinding my hips into his. That shut him up. He grabbed me by the collar of my shirt, kissing me hard and rolling so he was on top. He didn't always top but it just felt so much better this way, he knew exactly what he was doing and he'd even told me that my pleasure was more important. Probably one of the only sappy things he ever did say to me.  
He continued the grinding I had instigated, though it affected me more because my jeans were halfway down my ass already. I fumbled with his, hands moving blindly before I got them jerked down after a minute. He gasped against my lips as I bucked up against him, a shudder running down his spine that I could feel with my hands gripping him fervently. The thin red and orange clothing barriers were still all too much, I slipped my hands up his shirt and ran my nails done his back. He got the message, flashing our shirts and jeans off and we were tangled with those same thin stretches of material the only thing between us. I couldn't help the whine that bubbled from my throat.  
His shit-eating grin was suddenly plastered in front of me, raising his eyebrows. "I've never seen someone this eager for technical masturbation."  
I punched him in the arm, gritting my teeth. "Shut up and fuck me."  
He rolled his eyes before ripping my boxers off, his own boxer briefs following them immediately. He pressed his hips to mine teasingly as he rifled through his sylladex for lube, as he opened it one-handedly the scent of strawberries floated into the room between the two of us. He was holding my hips down, I wanted to move but I couldn't.  
"You aren't gonna beg for me to plug it in, are you?" He asked condescendingly, sticking his tongue out childishly. Rather conflicting messages but I ignored them both and curled my free hand into a fist. He tensed slightly.  
"Jesus, alright." He muttered, knowing full well that despite his dominance in the situation I held every scrap of power. Despite this fact his shit-eating grin hadn't left and I knew I'd be hearing more fucking lines before we were finished here.  
I barely relaxed my hand before I was flexing it again, jaw set hard. Despite however many times I told him, Hal still had little to no recognition of the concept 'pain means you should slow the fuck down, asshole.' Unless he was the one in pain, of course. I shut my eyes tightly until I got a bit more used to it, fingernails digging into my palm through the sheets. I cracked my eyes open to glare at him, greeted by that same grin. Sometimes, I think maybe he's just a fucking jackass instead. More often than not.  
"Ah, stop eye-raping me, dude. You know you love it."  
Crack.  
He jolted, flinching backwards and bringing his free hand up to rub his jaw. "Ow! Son of a motherboard, fucker..."  
He was glaring back at me but I had an arm slung over my eyes, jaw set for an entirely different reason. I tried to keep it steady but my breath was shaky and hitching, internally cursing myself for causing his hand to move like that, oh fuck. I could feel my hand trembling against my shoulder, knowing that by now he had figured it out and any second-  
I drew in a sharp gasp through my teeth, a sort of whining keenish sound forcing its way out. He was doing it on purpose now and I was sure the bruise forming on his cheek wouldn't faze him. I wanted to glare at him but I didn't want to see his stupid-ass face, so I kept my eyes covered as I tried so fucking hard to keep quiet. I wasn't about to give him the satisfaction, he had to earn that.  
I could feel his displeasure as I choked down another moan, he shifted around to lean down over me so I could hear him.  
"Turn up your speakers, I wanna hear those voice files."  
He ducked to the side as I swung again, his cheeky douche laughter right next to me. I got a tight grip on his shoulder and was about to retort with something witty when he jerked his hand upwards and my body completely betrayed me. An embarrassing sound that I don't even want to describe ripped from my throat at the high volume requested, back arching into him. I could hear his chuckling and the blush creeping up my neck flared up and under my arm as I gritted my teeth, clamping down on what I could. He just assaulted my tingling nerves over and over again, everything was bubbling up and fighting to get out. He suddenly bit hard into my neck and I jolted, jaw hinging wide enough for those stupid fucking sounds to slip out and I hated him right then but I didn't care anymore. I had lost, and we both knew it. I gave in for now, instead of pressing up against him I dragged him down to my level to glare him right in the eyes, in retaliation the bastard had the fucking balls to kiss me even though he already had me riding his fucking hand like an oversensitive virgin.  
Of course, he was doing it to cover up for when he pulled his hand away and grabbed the stupid strawberry lube, sitting up. He looked at me expectantly.  
"The fuck do you want?"  
"Well, if I'm plugging my headphone jack in, I'm gonna want to hear my music."  
"You're already getting what you want when I should be studying. Be grateful."  
"No noise, no toys."  
I stuck my tongue out and suddenly found it lathered in fucking strawberry, he was grinning like an idiot again. I flipped him off and he rolled his eyes, leaning over me again.  
"Aren't we already?"  
"Not yet we're not. Come on."  
"What the fuck ever."  
My response was cut off with a choked gasp as his hips were on my thighs already, I wanted to hit him again but my hands were shaking too badly. Wrapping my arms around his back the nature of the entire encounter changed, he was nuzzling my neck tenderly and trying to get me to relax. We were assholes to each other and sometimes we'd get into strifes but I know he'd never hurt me. Not like this. It doesn't happen a lot but we both sort of live for these moments, I know. Just like I know he can feel my heartbeat and knows when exactly I'm ready but of course he waits until I say so, anyways.  
I did so with a soft whine and a tug on his hair, and I found it easier to relax with him moving. It started off slow and hot, watching between my fingers as he processed his emotions. The spell was broken as he shifted just right and I choked, fingers digging into his back. I could see him smirking again but at least it wasn't that stupid fucking asshole grin. Within seconds the bed itself was protesting, I was hitting the headboard and clawing his back as I screamed shamelessly. I didn't give a shit and hearing his deep moans just made it all the better. Muttering expletives mixed with my name and short, barely comprehensible strings of actual words sometimes.  
I was on fire, it was burning hotter and hotter and then it was just white and I was gone, attached to this world only by my hands on my robot. He wasn't just that, no, I loved him. Of course I did. The words slipped from my mouth as I slowly recovered my ability to even, and he smiled of course, he opened his mouth to say something back and if it was a line I was going to slap him. But it was a simple return of feelings and then we were cuddling and I didn't care that he was an asshole, or that I was too, or that I had shit to do because I wasn't alone and I was having a nice time.  
"Hey Dirk, does this make me your silicon girl?"  
Fuuuuuck.


End file.
